Meryl Streep is an astonishing actress, as evidenced in the fact that she has won three Academy Awards, two BAFTA Awards, nine Golden Globe Awards, three Emmy Awards, and two Screen Actors Guild Awards not to mention numerous nominations. One of her Oscar winning performances came in the film, Sophie’s Choice, where the choice her character, a Jewish lady in a concentration camp, had to make was which of her two children she would send to the gas chamber in Auschwitz, with the added proviso that if she did not choose one over the other then both would be sent. There is no choice there; neither choice is preferable.
There is another film that focuses on a difficult choice. Hobson’s Choice was a powerful play, written in 1915, that was turned into a successful film of the same title in 1954, where the title is taken from a century’s old saying. If we say someone has Hobson’s choice, then we say that person has no choice; it is a free choice, yes, but only one of the two parts of the choice is actually offered. It is, in effect, a matter of ‘take it or leave it’, where there is no choice; we have to take it. On a lighter level, we may see that illustrated by the man saying that “Today is the annual Father and Son alternate shot championship at my club. My 87-year-old dad gave me his annual motivation words on the first tee: ‘Your name is in my will. but it’s only in pencil’”.
We may also see similar choices, of various degrees of difficulty (and seriousness), when we are asked if we would go for iced coffee on a snowy day or hot coffee in a heatwave? Would we choose being sweaty in cold weather or sneezing in hot weather? Would we say singing poorly or speaking too loud all the time is better? Would a child prefer to travel by public bus or being driven by a parent? Or would we go for an A+ on a hard test or a week of no homework? Some choices are hard!
We have previously reflected on the choice between life skills and qualifications (and then mental wellbeing and qualifications) where in fact the choices might appear contradictory and conflicting. We also have considered on the call that many make to “just do it”. Very often the latter would come with those two small fateful words — “or else”! Those words will often constitute a threat, a warning, disguising what in effect is blackmail.
What underlie choices are in fact consequences. And indeed, the consequences may not always be negative. “Or else” may sometimes imply it is a fact, whereby certain things automatically follow certain actions and that may not be negative. Equally, “Or else” may suggest possibility, in that if the child does not do something then he may miss out on something very special — someone else may step in and take advantage of the situation — exhibit A, one school’s motto: ‘Learn Or Get Out’!
Education is all about helping children make the right choices. Children are used to multiple choice questions in exams nowadays where things are made easier for them by limiting the choices to four, a bit like the television programme Who Wants to be a Millionaire, which even gives contestants the offer of eliminating two wrong answers and asking a friend (options that are not available for pupils in their exams, sadly, they may cry!)
So children must learn to think through possible consequences of their actions and make the right choice, based on morals and ethics more than personal convenience or enjoyment.
Too often parents are making the choices for them when they should not and not making the choices for their child when they should, as a result of which children do not learn how to make choices. Parents often throw out the line that the child must do something “or else”. They do not give their child choice enough, to help them make a choice. Parents’ choice should be the choice of two appealing options, for the child to decide, to learn how to make decisions. All too often however, parents choice is the “Or else” one. Study law or I will not pay for your university? Marry this person or I will cut you off from my will?
- Or else
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The letters of “Or Else” could be turned around to include “LOSER” and depending on the words “Or Else” will most likely lead to the child losing badly in life. Meryl Streep was not a loser; she made the right choices. We must help our children to know how to make choices wisely.
