At the birth of his child, a father was greatly encouraged and uplifted when he was warmly congratulated by one of his male colleagues on the safe arrival but he was taken aback when the colleague went on to advise him that “So, your work starts in five years’ time.” Really?
It certainly did not coincide with his own view, not least as waiting to take up the responsibility of fatherhood for a further five years indicated he would miss out a great deal in terms of bonding (not to mention having fun) with the child – plus the fact that the mother had already had nine months’ start on him!
Such a view presented by his colleague tends not to be an uncommon one, even now in today’s society.
It perhaps is indicative of the traditional viewpoint that the father’s role really starts when the child can walk, talk, run, kick, hit – all the things that they as males like to think are their speciality and expertise.
Without wishing to delve too deeply into that debate, the attitude presented there may actually help to explain a comment that Phil Knight, the founder of Nike shoes and sportswear, quoted in his book ‘Shoe Dog’, when he said, “Mothers are our first coaches”.
If our mother happens to be Zimbabwe’s own Olympian (and now IOC President) Kirsty Coventry, we might think the daughter has a head start on other children.
Liz McColgan, (a gold medal winner at the 1991 World Championships and a silver at the 1988 Olympic Games) raised a daughter Eilish who in turn has already won Commonwealth Games gold and silver medals.
We might think also of Princess Anne, an Olympic gold medallist in equestrian whose daughter Zara also won an Olympic gold medal in the same event. Judy Murray, a professional tennis player herself, happened to raise two highly successful tennis Grand-Slam-winning sons. We might be tempted to conclude that it is no surprise that the child will succeed, having such a talented sporty mother. In their situations, their mothers no doubt were their first coaches.
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Then we might throw in several other exceptionally talented sporty mothers (who happened also to have supremely successful husbands as well) like Nadia Comaneci in gymnastics or Steffi Graf in tennis and reflect that their mothers would obviously be their first coaches.
After all, the old story of a coach being asked by a budding athlete how the athlete can succeed and giving the response, “Choose your parents wisely” might hold some sway (even if it is humorously impossible)
However, before we go any further, we need to recognise that the quotation says “Mothers”, not “talented sporty mothers” – mothers are our first coaches.
Whether trained or not, whether any good or not, mothers tend to be our first coach. This is because the really effective coaching of sports starts not simply when the child is old enough to hold a racket or run fast but right from birth, in the values parents are instilling in their child in everyday moments through their example and care. Coaching of a sport starts well before the actual sport begins.
The person that the child is, and which the parent (mainly the mother) develops, determines initially the future success of the child.
Maybe it also comes down to the old saying that "Mum's the word" which is an informal idiom meaning to "say nothing" or "don't reveal a secret". Mothers are our first coaches because they often say little in comparison to the know-it-all fathers who try to fill the child’s head with all the skills and tactics and knowledge.
Mothers are more empathetic (when we might often describe fathers, under our breath, of course, as ‘pathetic’). Fathers are more competitive, pushy, not taking the time to coach but rather to press and compete. Mothers coach while fathers preach.
Mothers very often also continue to be our coaches when we as children play sport as they tend to be at the side of the sports field more, while the father is working hard to earn the money to enable the child to play the sport.
Very often those mothers were not sporty themselves but learn by watching without previous prejudice; they volunteer as linesmen at volleyball. They coach thus.
As a popular advert stated long ago: “Mum’s the word – call dad”.
We need fathers to hear this – they must take up the reins to coach properly right from the start, instilling values into the children. And we need to herald the success of mothers in coaching the children right from the start.
Coaching starts at home, at birth. Mothers are our first coaches; we need to ensure they are the best coaches.
